About ChillPAC Labs
It’s just what the President ordered.
Executive Order No. 2025-CHILL-01
In response to a rapidly spreading national condition known as Political Derangement Syndrome, MAGANESIUM was founded with one clear mission: to save democracy from itself — one Chill Pill at a time.
Operating deep inside a top-secret basement lab (right next to the White House gift shop), our scientists discovered what every American really needs: a time-out. After years of testing on bipartisan volunteers — and a few unpaid interns — we perfected a proprietary formula combining humor, sarcasm, and just a sprinkle of common sense.
We’re proud to be a diverse coalition of Americans — all races, religions, genders, and political tribes — united under one belief: everyone’s a little nuts right now. It truly took a village to create MAGANESIUM (and three separate HR investigations to get it approved).
Our product is clinically proven* to reduce finger-pointing, headline hysteria, and the uncontrollable urge to correct strangers online. Side effects may include laughter, tolerance, and mild euphoria during family holidays.
So take one. Pass it around. Calm down.
Let’s make America sane — and maybe even funny — again.
Directions
ChillPAC Labs was founded on a simple idea: in a world consumed by outrage, doomscrolling, and endless political drama, everyone deserves a moment of relief. MAGAnesium™ isn't just a product—it's a movement toward sanity, one chill pill at a time.
Born from the chaos of 24-hour news cycles and social media meltdowns, MAGAnesium™ offers a lighthearted escape from the noise. Whether you're triggered by cable news, overwhelmed by office debates, or just need a laugh during the holidays, we've got you covered.
Our mission is simple: Make America Sane Again, one smile, one gift, and one chill pill at a time.
What is MAGAnesium™?
MAGAnesium™ is the original satirical "chill pill"—a fun, novelty candy designed to bring relief from today's nonstop political chaos. Each bottle contains a symbolic blend of Decency, Patriotism, and Chillaxium, represented by red, white, and blue candy pieces.
It's not medicine. It's not a supplement. It's a gag gift, a conversation starter, and a reminder that sometimes, the best response to madness is a good laugh.
Our Values
• Humor Over Hate: We believe laughter is the best medicine for a divided nation.
• Quality & Safety: Made in the USA in a nut-free, gluten-free facility with real, simple ingredients.
• Satire & Awareness: MAGAnesium™ is a parody product for entertainment purposes only.
• Community & Connection: Bringing people together through shared laughter and goodwill.
Join the Movement
Whether you're shopping for yourself, stocking stuffers, or looking to spread calm at the office or holiday table, MAGAnesium™ is here to help. Join thousands of Americans who've discovered the power of a good laugh in turbulent times.
Remember: This is a novelty and gag product intended purely for humor, entertainment, and satire. It is not evaluated by the FDA and should not be used as a dietary supplement or in place of actual medical advice.